The reason for this blog.

I didn't start this for other people to read. I just wanted somewhere to go and whine freely, I guess. I'm not one of those people that's really comfortable with being sad, and I'm even less comfortable with other knowing how sad I am. This is meant to be a journal of sorts, but if someone stumble upon it and reads it, I won't mind. I'm doing this for myself. I have a rough time with the whole "Army wife" thing. I did not marry into this. We were married for 2 and 1/2 years before he signed up. We already had a son and life together. Why did we choose this? I will never be the wife that says no to a dream, regardless of how much I don't want to do it. I have no right to hold my husband back. He's the best friend that I've ever had and I want him to be happy and fulfilled. I don't want him to have any regrets.
The hardest part of this life has been dealing with the loss of our daughter separately. I was bleeding when he left for basic, and when he came home for Christmas exodus, we lost her. He was gone again about a week and a half later. I did have my sister and MIL, along with a wonderful group of women on a loss board, but I still felt so alone without him. I just wanted someone to tell me it would be ok, and that it was ok to be sad. Instead, I had to be strong for my son because we were alone. I don't think that I've dealt with it to this day, more than a year and a half later. I wonder if I'll get time to do that.
Now, we have 3 wonderfully time-consuming boys that make my heart smile every single day. I guess I'm doing this blog because of them, too. I want all the sad/angry emotions out so I can be a good mother. Obviously, I don't want my husband to worry, so I can't say these things to him either....
That was a lot of rambling! Hopefully, nobody actually does read this or they'll think I'm a nut job...